Joe Soucheray: Grate, more pointless, dangerous vandalism in St. Paul

It isn t much of a Fourth of July expectation It won t pop or go bang or even challenge the wildest imagination but if you come across a St Paul storm sewer opening absent its protective grate call - - wait for the prompt and description it to the sewer crew If you see it happening call Personally I would pin the creep or creeps up against a tree with my car but I suppose that would be insensitive About days or so ago it was disclosed that vandals had pried loose more than sewer grates and let them fall into the basin The grates weigh pounds This doesn t play well with guys predisposed to neurosis anyway We don t need a kid thrown off a scooter or a walker in the gloaming emerging an ankle or a bicyclist going ass over teakettle I had to look that phrase up having used it all my life It means what you think it means suddenly losing control and balance and taking a tumble Why tea kettle Couldn t find an answer I don t think anybody would drown Sean Kershaw the city s director of population works explained you wouldn t enter the sewer system but you could get a concussion or break something Kershaw announced it isn t happening in other cities The grates are not being stolen and then sold He wonders if it s a TikTok challenge The police have not arrested anybody yet and Kershaw s crews fetch the grates out of the basin with hooks and put them back in place as soon as they get a assessment We don t know what to think Kershaw reported We ve kicked around the idea that somebody might think something good or bad might be coming out of the sewer Oh no You mean like a clown with a balloon What was that movie Kershaw noted It I reported surprised that I remembered I m not much of a Stephen King loyalist although I went through that whole terrified-of-clowns thing with kids I used to have Kershaw runs a tight ship He takes his work seriously which tends to stand out when you consider that we don t know when members of the least diverse city council in the county even bother to show up for work It bothers Kershaw that he can t come up with a reason that somebody would do something so pointless and so dangerous First darkened street lights and now this gaping open sewer basins It supposedly isn t a clown with a balloon but the way this city is going nothing would surprise me not even the city s sewer system suddenly in the hands of the paranormal One day years ago while walking in the Crocus Hill neighborhood I saw chosen teens push open a manhole cover from below and climb out onto the street I don t think they were the type to vandalize grates They were explorers apparently having navigated quite a distance endangering only themselves Related Articles Three men shot overnight in St Paul prompting hospital lockdown Nine pet stories featured in our Morning Record newsletter in June As family mourns -year-old killed in St Paul scooter crash they call for more traffic safety Remembering Melvin Giles the bubble man of St Paul s Rondo City asks Why are St Paul s Green Line stations going offline during Yacht Club music festival So far no injuries have been released because of a missing grate We re lucky It should bother everybody that such a dangerous criminal act was even dreamed up A missing grate might rank below gun play car thefts assaults war pestilence and muggings but what could possibly be the point It s a foul that additionally cheapens the quality of life As for the streetlights Kershaw stated the copper wire thefts are diminishing But there is better news On Aug the theft of the copper wire will be classified as a felony The repeat offenders Kershaw declared have just cycled through the system Meaning we don t really punish anybody with enough consequences to make them think twice about spoiling what we gamely pass off as our civic tranquility That changes on Aug It won t be so easy to waltz right back to the street and fall into a sewer opening Joe Soucheray can be reached at jsoucheray pioneerpress com Soucheray s Garage Logic podcast can be heard at garagelogic com