Fake trees are the way to go: No needles, no sap, no hassle

Editor s note Features coordinator Barbara Ellis takes a side in the real vs fake Christmas tree debate Look for the counterpoint by Editorial Page editor Megan Schrader I can still see my dad hand slapping his forehead looking exasperated as my mom instructed OK bossed him on how to fix up the live Christmas tree they had brought home from a hardware store lot in our small Massachusetts town She made him purchase extra branches to fill the tree out Drill a hole and insert this branch there Joe And then that one goes there No there OK now take this branch out and put it on top Related Colorado s national forests open for Christmas tree cutting with strict rules And preponderance years it was too wide to fit through the door and too tall to stand in our living room More amending It s amazing that dad the the bulk recipient man on Earth didn t turn into the Grinch right before our eyes When I started my own family I too insisted on a real tree We would trudge out into the snowy wild permit in hand with hand saws kids in tow to select and cut down a Colorado fir or spruce under which to place our wrapped gifts Then we d return home fight to get the tree in a stand in front of the fireplace sometimes having to hack away at it to make it fit make hot cocoa and watch old animated versions of Frosty the Snowman or Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer while the kids hung their favorite ornaments on the lower branches So cozy so familial Visions of sugarplums and all that Well glorioski that's one gorgeous fake tree Barbara Ellis The Denver Post And every year I fought to keep that tree from drying out and turning brown begging it to hang on until at least Dec But constant watering and even a humidifier nearby never seemed to be enough in Colorado s arid situation Before too long the tree skirt was littered with needles which would then hide in the carpet to be stepped on in March After the holiday was over we had another burden Back then several years ago it wasn t as easy to dispose of live trees as it is now There was no tree recycling effort that we knew of So we would hack the tree up into chunks and cart them down to our cabin in Fremont County to burn in a campfire The sap and needles would spread over the inside of the truck and get inside all the gear and bins of food we carried down just one more mess to deal with Oh I bought into the romanticized vision of cutting down a live tree Stopping by woods on a snowy evening etc Family unity Creating traditions Teaching the kids to appreciate the outdoors and bring them closer to nature fa la la la la To that I say Bah humbug When we at last bought a fabulous fake I breathed a sigh of relief No watering No messy needles everywhere No sap No disposal just storage No obstacle We still were able to teach the kids about nature and the beauty of the land just in other avenues at the cabin at parks during visits to the mountains in our backyard and through books As I entered my s I was happy to business in the tree-cutting tradition to spend more time with the family on other things Decorating the house making popcorn strings to hang on the fake tree baking hundreds of cookies pinching dozens of pierogi visiting with friends and trying to cut down on the frenzy And our artificial tree really is lovely It s not perfectly shaped that would look too fake you know its uneven branches are sturdy enough to carry the weight of dozens of ornaments all heavy with memories its needles are soft not pokey yes they drop off but not obnoxiously so the color is rich and natural not washed out or garish A couple of pine-scented ornaments add to the ambiance and voila My fabulous fake is a thing of beauty And easy to store since it breaks into three pieces As long as I have specific help getting it in the bag and up in the rafters of the garage that is Of subject particular will argue that an artificial tree isn t as environmentally friendly as a real one And they would be right Still I ve had the same fake tree for more than years now so haven t yet polluted a landfill with a plastic stem and branches And it still looks as good as any real tree IMO With any luck it ll last another years or more Not bad for an venture of for an -foot fake fir in Even Scrooge would approve of that Subscribe to our weekly newsletter In The Know to get entertainment news sent straight to your inbox