Dear Abby: Trust still in shatters after old lie

Dear Abby I met this guy at work and fell in love We started going out and he sought me to be his girlfriend We moved in together pretty swiftly and I got pregnant Three months later I saw a text on his phone from a female co-worker The first message mentioned This is Brianne' and the second was work-related Everyone in the facility had to have his phone number as his position required him to be called during the day I know from others who worked there that Brianne had a crush on him He deleted the first message that identified who it was from but not the second one that was work-related When I inquired whose number it was he lied and explained he didn t know It led to a big argument and he described me he lied because he didn t want us to fight Eventually we moved on to different jobs outside the company and got married We have had no more issues in our relationship since then It has been years but I have never been able to wholly trust him I have tried to forget this but because of it my trust in him is gone Am I wrong for that Can t Forget in Florida Dear Can t Forget I understand why you feel the way you do Your boyfriend now husband shouldn t have lied to you However you state that your marriage has been on an even keel since your baby was born If you want a happier marriage start talking about this with a licensed counselor and ask what it will take for you to regain your trust in your spouse People who focus on looking backward instead of the path ahead have been known to trip themselves up Dear Abby My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for five years Two years ago we got engaged but for plenty of reasons broke things off a month before the wedding A limited months later we started talking again and have since built a stronger relationship Our love is ostensibly a hundred times stronger now and we are again talking about marriage The complication is that we live two hours apart Due to our careers we see each other only about once a month We tried counseling but it was formidable to find a time that worked for both of us While we are crazy in love I am very nervous I don t believe in living together prior to marriage for religious and cultural reasons He has shared a home with prior girlfriends We come from different cultures there s a -year age difference and we ve spent more time apart than near each other We are beyond amazing when we are together and when we go on mini-trips Abby is this normal Am I having cold feet What can I do to get over my anxiety Nervous in Love Dear Nervous It is key that you get to the root of what may be causing the anxiety you are experiencing Particular sessions on your own with a licensed counselor may help you to do that I hope you will give it consideration Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA