Dear Abby: Elderly mom giving kids the brushoff

Dear Abby My mom is in her early s More and more often lately she seems to be avoiding seeing me and my siblings It wasn t invariably like this She would let me my husband and our kids stay with her when we visited Even last year when she fell and injured herself she let me stay with her for a couple of days to help out My siblings have been saying they think she has been over them for a while but I ve only noticed it over the last year or so Now even our phone conversations are shorter We have lived more than five hours apart since I moved out after high school but I invariably made sure to call her regularly If I didn t call I could expect a call from her to check in However now if I don t call her I won t hear from her After asking about me and my family she rushes me off the phone before I can ask how she s doing Is this normal Is she hiding something Is she not feeling well Should my siblings and I be worried or has she earned the right to step back a bit now that she s older She s a great mom and we all love her dearly but sitting her down for a direct conversation isn t the norm for us What to do Concerned About Mom Dear Concerned It may not be the norm for your family but it s time all of you visited Mom together and narrated her that her change in behavior has you worried because it is out of character Tell her your siblings fear she is avoiding them because she is over them Could that be true Are they overly dependent on her Tell her you love her and are concerned because any extreme change in behavior in an older person can be a symptom of illness and should be checked out Then listen to what she has to say Dear Abby I moved in with two friends last year and while I have enjoyed staying with them it s starting to become stressful One roommate drinks and becomes verbally abusive to me and his boyfriend It became physical once and he hit me in the face and blackened my eye He s my friend and I care about him but I don t know how much longer I can remain living here I feel like if I leave I m giving up on him He s a really nice person when he s sober very helpful and generous I just don t know what to do Do I leave Do I cut off the friendship I want to help him but I m not sure how Fearful Friend in California Dear Friend Tell your abusive alcoholic roommate when he s sober that while you admire his personality when he s not drinking you can no longer tolerate the person he becomes when he s drunk which is why you are leaving Suggest that when he s ready to deal with his dilemma he should find chosen Alcoholics Anonymous or SMART Recovery meetings There are usually more than one in largest part communities Do not be surprised if he becomes defensive bulk addicts do when confronted While you can t fix this friend you have every right to take care of yourSELF and moving will be healthier for you Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA