Asking Eric: Uncle’s ‘joking’ text to niece offends mom

Dear Eric I m married with four kids and have a sizable extended family One son who is in seventh grade runs track and finished the season with personal records in his events which also happen to place second in his school s all-time best records I sent out a family text to all of our extended family raving about his achievements This is common amongst all of the aunts and uncles We got a load of congrats However my husband s brother side-texted my eldest daughter tell your brother to stop being first loser He did not text any congrats to the group text My daughter exhibited me the text and chuckled I m not sure if she presented my son I m so deeply angry about this I know that everyone will tell me he was joking Or that I m misinterpreting his meaning I just cannot get over it My initial feeling is to keep my son as far away from his uncle as accomplishable for the rest of his life My second feeling is to call disclosed uncle to tell him he is a complete loser himself which would be super biting as he just got laid off has to sell his house and downsize everything I know I won t do either but I am having a hard time imagining being around him this summer as our families usually get together each summer for a meager days How do I express by complete disdain for his comments without upsetting the entire extended family Am I being oversensitive Second to None Dear Second Not every joke is funny and it s often quite hard to discern tone and context over text so this message to your daughter lands in last place for me No participation trophy But I think escalating may do more harm than good You might ask your daughter if he and she regularly text Perhaps this was something of an inside joke a way to blow off the steam of sibling rivalry That doesn t make everything fine but it could give you more insight into your daughter s life You re trying to be a good and protective parent for all of your kids which is commendable Unfortunately we can t inevitably moderate the approaches others interact with our loved ones So I m glad you won t be keeping your son away from his uncle for life or calling the uncle to give him an earful The good thing is he didn t send anything to your son or to the group chat directly So talk your feelings over with your husband or another family member it s likely this also bruised your feelings as someone who is proud of your son See if you can chalk this up to weird behavior that wasn t to your taste but didn t cause any harm Dear Eric I m worried about a good friend of mine He hits the bars drinking heavily and then drives home The next morning he complains of being hung over When he drives he goes mph in a twisty mph zone with one hand on the wheel Should I call him on this behavior If so how do I go about it Concerned Friend Related Articles Asking Eric Letter writer can t get answers about friend s death Asking Eric Son s in-laws stake a claim on every holiday leaving parents in the cold Asking Eric Grandparents wonder how long to keep trying to reach estranged granddaughter Asking Eric Husband disapproves of wife s dream vacation Asking Eric Retiree feels obligated to dependably go see friends new band Dear Friend Yes you should call him out And during the callout let him know that if he doesn t stop your next call will be to the leadership He s taking his life in his hands and even more gravely endangering anyone who is unlucky enough to cross his path In a world where taxis rideshares designated drivers and old-fashioned walking exist there is no excuse for this Even if none of those options were workable for him drinking heavily and getting behind the wheel of a car is never acceptable and never an option Tell it to him straight This is dangerous behavior it requirements to stop and if he requirements help managing his drinking you re there for him but you won t abide drinking and driving Don t wait until the next time it happens You can do it in the present day You ve explained me about a couple instances of heavy drinking followed by driving and speeding This is illegal it could have deadly consequences and it necessities to stop right now According to the National Highway Transportation Safety Administration in the United States on average a person dies in an alcohol-related crash every minutes This figure doesn t even take into account injuries caused by alcohol-impaired driving property damage or the emotional devastation that can conclusion from any of the aforementioned All of it is preventable If you re out with your friend when he has had too much to drink take their keys offer a ride and or call a cab If he won t listen to you get help from friends a loved one or the officials Just once is one time too several Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com