Asking Eric: Messy housemate gives host silent treatment

Dear Eric I allowed the daughter of a cousin with whom I am not close to move in with me while she finishes college When she moved in last January it was supposed to be for a semester but this is the longest semester I have ever seen We had an matter where she left gobs of hair all over my bathroom which I had to clean up I narrated her via text I didn t like it She walked around my house for weeks so angry with me and when I disclosed something to her as she was leaving the house she slammed the door in my face There were other incidents When she moved in she had at least nine big boxes in my living room I have been asking for around seven months for her to move them and she won t So we had a big blow-up because of that and now she is walking around sullen She stated she has to keep her peace she won t speak She won t do her chores anymore either I want her to leave She s just plain rude Am I wrong Bad Housemate Dear Housemate It seems like she s fallen into the pattern of being the sullen teenager making you the nagging parent But you re not her parent and if she s finishing college she s ostensibly not a teenager either She s a guest in your home and she requirements to treat the home and you with respect If she won t contribute to the order of the home and won t communicate with you then it s not working and you should tell her that She doesn t get a free pass If you want to give her another chance before asking her to leave then it s time to have a state of the arrangement conversation where you lay out what your expectations are and ask her if she can accept those Also state that there are consequences to the agreement not being honored namely that this wouldn t be a place where she was able to stay any longer Lastly get a timeline How long is this degree going to take How plenty of credits does she have left From your letter however it sounds like you re fed up and that s fine We re coming up on the end of another semester This may be the right time for her to find another option Because your cousin made the arrangement you might also loop her in so she s not blindsided and so she can help her daughter to take responsibility Dear Eric I just now spent the night with an old friend We had a -year anniversary visit We are thrilled to be reunited My friend went out of her way to make me welcome and assured in her home overnight That included washing the bed linens having used fabric softener and or dryer sheets The bed was overwhelmingly perfumed by these products to the extent that I was coughing and effectively lost a night s sleep The opportunity exists to spend more time in the future in her home however I cannot sleep in her guest room with those chemicals in play How do you suggest I approach this one No Aromas Please Related Articles Asking Eric Baking favor leads to salty feelings Asking Eric Goddaughter s wedding dress causes huge family rift Asking Eric Years after failed marriage ex can t stop thinking about it Asking Eric Stepchildren s lack of manners reflects on stepmom Asking Eric Conflict between daughter and father traps mother in the middle Dear Aromas The easiest way is apparently to bring your own sheets linens if you have the space in your luggage And it s fine to mention it in advance I m sensitive to scents and chemicals so I m going to bring my own sheets I just sought to let you know I don t want you to go out of your way and I want to be rested enough to enjoy our time together This also gives your friend the opportunity to modify the way she hosts She might hear this and volunteer to wash the linens without fabric softener It s easy enough to do The most of direct option is to ask her would you mind not using any scented chemicals on the sheets in your guestroom I list this option last not to be passive but because it may not comprehensively solve your issue If she s using the fabric softener consistently on all her other laundry there may be residual aromas that you pick up on The bigger idea here is that good hosting and being a good guest are both reliant on clear communication Guests and hosts shouldn t be afraid to ask for what they need respectfully reasonably and kindly It sounds like your friend was happy to do whatever she could to make you feel at home It stands to reason then that she d be happy to make an adjustment if it made you even more assured Likewise it sounds like you re happy to do what you can to clear the path for a more enjoyable time This is all good news Enjoy your next visit Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com