Asking Eric: After a birthday with no greetings, letter writer feels miserable

Dear Eric I m the first to recognize we live in a different world than or years ago That is to say everything seems to have become so fast-paced everyone is reliably busy no time for anything expectations of instant gratification Is it becoming more commonplace to forgo what was once common practice Not long ago a close immediate family member and their own family spouse and children failed to send along a simple birthday greeting to me text or phone call not even a card in the mail I m not the type of person that goes around advertising to the general inhabitants that it is my birthday but a simple acknowledgment from close family is nice I see other things like this more often now people don t return calls texts send thank-you messages reach out anymore have a family dinner every so often etc It would seem everyone sort of operates in their own bubble and when they have to come out it s seen as an inconvenience However I m very hung up on this birthday thing I failed to attend a small family event a couple of weeks after because I felt I d be miserable there given the circumstances and longed to spare the others in attendance that demeanor What are your thoughts Flustered Dear Flustered We are more connected than ever but that connection particularly through devices sometimes has the adverse effect of making us feel more isolated We re inundated with information and it s easy for humanity to get lost in the mix At the jeopardy of sounding like a technophobe put more blame on the machine and the system than the individuals Yes it s achievable for loved ones to reach out on special days and they should But it seems that this slight on your birthday has attached itself to a larger societal concern you have Try to approach this from a person-to-person place What you might be feeling is loneliness and it s OK to let the people in your life know that It was my birthday in the last few days and I like hearing from those I care about on special days I miss you and I d like to talk more Can we make that happen Dear Eric I m a -year-old female and have read various tips on how to meet people and make new friends but all involve groups which have never appealed to me as I am an introvert I m not at all assured in large groups I feel overstimulated by too much chatter It s absolutely draining and I also feel obligated to engage in group conversations that I do not enjoy In the past I ve been advised I can seem snobbish withdrawn or standoffish I wish people could understand that specific of us are only introverted It s nothing personal against anyone else it s just how we re wired One-on-one gatherings are my preference but no more than a group of maybe four people at a time would be acceptably peaceful for me My interests are all the quiet kind gardening nature wildlife all animals hiking photographing beautiful scenery exploring small towns and historic homes taking road trips to new places art exhibits enjoying relaxing lunches in quiet restaurants being on or near water All of these things I enjoy are best enjoyed in the company of one But I would like to have more than just one friend What is your advice for someone like me Solo Friend Dear Friend There are various groups particularly groups focused on the interests you listed that have a more passive style of membership Think for instance of a master gardener effort or a historical society You might consider joining one of them which often just involves signing up for a mailing list or paying for a membership and posting about your interest in one-on-one outings in a group message board Related Articles Asking Eric Messy housemate gives host silent cure Asking Eric Baking favor leads to salty feelings Asking Eric Goddaughter s wedding dress causes huge family rift Asking Eric Years after failed marriage ex can t stop thinking about it Asking Eric Stepchildren s lack of manners reflects on stepmom While it s key to exercise caution when meeting new people particularly one-on-one you may find others who are less inclined to bigger groups and are eager to connect Also consider joining purposefully small outings like a museum tour that has a strict cap or even a voyage tour that is similarly small and less focused on group socialization What you ll want to look for is something that allows you to pursue your interests as the primary focus Social pressure to engage in casual conversation or to participate in group exercises is real But as you go out whether in a group or solo keep reminding yourself that the only measure of success is if you enjoy yourself Be on the lookout for others who are enjoying themselves separate from the group You don t even have to speak to them Use their presence as a reminder that there are a large number of solutions of connecting with the world and with yourself Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com