Asking Eric: Acquaintance is friendly in real life but ignores on Facebook
Dear Eric I have a friend I ve known for four years We all live in a region and have moved here from different areas of the country We are a group of women who get together on a regular basis for outings Over the past couple of months I feel somewhat left out because of a couple of events I wasn t included in But what I m trying to understand is why does she not like or comment on any of my Facebook posts when she s all over everyone else s with supportive and loving comments Again this is so silly but I can t help wondering why When I look back at my posts I noticed she has never acknowledged any of them even for my birthday We are still friends we work with the same fundraising group have dinner at each other s house and get invited to the same events This Facebook thing has got me confused and I don t know what kind of friend she is so I m getting uncomfortable around her So now what am I doing Ignoring her posts which makes me feel so stupid and juvenile If I wasn t part of this group which I really like I wouldn t bother with her Can you shed any light on her mindset It s really got me confused Friend Request Dear Friend Even though social media platforms are built to echo a few aspects of real-life friendships they also bring out situations and feelings that don t have a real-life corollary I m not sure we were ever built to know this a great number of people s thoughts on every single thing including every single thing that we post about our lives It s too much So give yourself a break It s natural for these feelings to come up Facebook is designed to show you what your friends are interacting with so it s natural to notice when your friends aren t interacting with content you post The simplest answer may be that her algorithm doesn t show her what you post very often Everyone s Facebook is tailored to them to their behavior and to what the company s advertisers and engineers want each person to do So it s very practicable that she s just unaware of what you re posting Since you interact socially in real life with no challenge it s best to just believe that and let it go If you re curious about the nature of your friendship talk to her in real life But keep the conversation focused on real life not what she does or doesn t do online Dear Eric Christmas is overwhelming for me I don t enjoy shopping and never have I don t like giving gifts just for the sake of gift exchanges I have too much stuff already and frankly I can t afford that anymore I do enjoy giving when I see something that I know will be perfect for the recipient and make them happy but the pressure of doing it on a schedule is too much Additionally my marriage of years fell apart around the holidays about two years ago and it s just not a great time of year now I have two older children and I still like to provide a nice Christmas for them but how do I relay to my family and friends that I will be celebrating at my place of worship and with my children but don t want to be given any gifts nor should they expect any from me without sounding like an ungrateful Scrooge The phone calls texts and emails asking for my Christmas list are going to start soon and I m dreading it Not a Scrooge Dear Not a Scrooge Ideally gift-giving is a bit of a symbiotic relationship in that the wants of the gift giver ought not supersede the wants of the recipient Now several people will dependably show up with a wrapped box or a tissue paper-filled bag around this time of year Attribute it to love languages or force of habit or just a desire to spread cheer But the conscientious gift giver can hear please no gifts and understand that no gifts is in effect the gift Related Articles Asking Eric Still-married grandson wants to bring his new girlfriend to visit Asking Eric Friend shrugs off concerning memory issues Asking Eric Tedious cookie tradition taxes family ties Asking Eric Husband does housework while wife plays online games Asking Eric Brother s partner mocks in-laws even after their deaths So consider your request as less a Scrooge-like edict and more an offering that will better allow your friends to help you How to do this Try the unvarnished truth My relationship to gifts has changed as my life has changed not long ago So I don t have a list because truly the thought is enough for me I m stepping away from gifts giving and receiving I hope you understand and know that I still care for you and wish you good cheer Another option is to tell people you re just doing cards this year and that you have everything you need so if they want to give you something they can donate to a charity Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com
